Tag: Past

2025: The Year of Pruning, Positioning, and Refining…

2025 EXHAUSTED Me…It EXPOSED ME to ME..the parts I hidden, the WOUNDS I ignored, and the STRENGTH I didn’t know I had…It EXPOSED the TRUTH about those who said they LOVED me but SHOWED me their LOYALTY had LIMITS…


It REMINDED Me that not everyone who says “I LOVE YOU” MEANS it, and not everyone who LOSES You deserves another CHANCE…I LEARNED that LOVE isn’t proven by WORDS, but by WHO STAYS when it’s no longer CONVENIENT…

2025 BROKE Me…but the BREAKING was a BLESSING disguised as EMBARRASSMENT…

It wasn’t until I YIELDED that 2025 became a year of HEALING…a year of great PURGING, REDIRECTION, and ALIGNMENT and a year of TRUE DELIVERANCE from things that had held me CAPTIVE for years. But I found My TRUTH, GROWTH in DISCIPLINE and GRACE in OBEDIENCE…

It taught me TRUE INTENTIONALITY…to move with PURPOSE, not PRESSURE…


It taught me the ART of ACCOUNTABILITY and the CONSEQUENCES of DISOBEDIENCE…


It taught me REAL SURRENDER…I had to BELIEVE He was working even when I couldn’t see it…

It redefined my PURPOSE for GATHERING in God’s House, shifting my focus off of people and placing more REVERENCE on God…I learned that excuses from a HURTING place can make you feel UNSAFE even in SACRED SPACES…Because excuses are often just COMFORTABLE HURT…a way to PROTECT what needs HEALING…My FEELINGS were very VALID, but when PAIN became My LENS, even what’s SACRED can start to look UNSAFE…

So it taught me TRUE HONOR…how to SERVE from WHOLENESS, not WOUNDS…


It taught me how to FOCUS on ME and to SAY NO without guilt…

It taught me how to GET TO KNOW ME…how to TRULY LOVE MYSELF beyond the version I thought I had to be to please others…

My WORTH spoke LOUD…I don’t have to be TOLERATED to be ACCEPTED…


It taught me how to CUT OFF ACCESS to ME when My Mental Health demanded it…So in BOLDNESS and with BOLDNESS I CHOOSE ME unapologetically understanding the value of PEACE and PROTECTION…

I now know the HEALTH in AUTHENTIC LOVE, because My LOVE never held LIMITS or CONDITIONS…


2025 I became more TEACHABLE…

2025 made me more MATURE…


I became VULNERABLE to God and My SECRET place became more SECURE…


It taught me SPIRITUAL SENSITIVITY and how to SHOW UP with PURPOSE…


2025…FEAR had to LOOSE ME…I was reminded that there is no FAILURE IN GOD and that TRUTH gave me PERMISSION to DREAM again and FINISH what I STARTED…

2025 was a year of STRETCHING…I fought God but I also fought for WHERE I AM TODAY…

2025 was a year of PROCESS…I couldn’t take NO DETOURS. Every detour I tried to take, reminded me how dare I keep STEPPING out of the process just to PLEASE my FLESH…I had to accept what I couldn’t change…It was a season of RESTORATION and REVELATION…a PROCESS that demanded my SILENCE without LOSING my VOICE…I knew when to SPEAK and when to be SILENT…I TALKED less but CRIED and PRAYED More…

2025 was a year of RECOVERY…Quietly reshaping my life through CONSISTENT INTERCESSION and SURRENDERED PRAYER, REMINDING me that intercession is sustained by consistency and prayer by PROPER POSITIONING…

I was DISCONNECTED from what DRAINED me and RECONNECTED to what RESTORED me.


2025 TESTED my FAITH but PROTECTED my POSTURE…

I learned what to ENTERTAIN and what not to…
I picked my battles WISELY, if it didn’t EDIFY, I left well enough alone.

2025 OPENED MY EYES…

Nothing was WASTED…

I am not the same person I was a few months ago…Months ago, I was just SURVIVING, Now I’m choosing to be SUSTAINED…My YES said YES…

2026 I Stepped into a YEAR of BECOMING…

Another LEVEL…

A DEEPER PROCESS…

AND an I PRESS…

This year 2026 I’ll SMILE and LAUGH more than I CRY and if I happen to CRY, I won’t CRY HARDER than I PRAISE…

I feel more WISER, more AWARE, and WAY MORE DEPENDENT on God… 

Philippians‬ ‭3‬:‭13-14 KJV‬‬

“Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.”
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Jeremiah‬ ‭29‬:‭11‬ ‭KJV‬

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”


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Romans‬ ‭8‬:‭18‬ ‭KJV‬

“For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.”
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Philippians‬ ‭1‬:‭6‬ ‭KJV‬

“being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:”
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More GRACE…

Life On The Edge

Have you ever been AFRAID, FEARFUL, or just out right SCARED? I mean afraid to sleep, fearful of the thoughts that cloud your judgement, and just scared that you might get more heartbreaking news. Well let’s just talk about ME. I am Afraid, I am Fearful, and I am Scared. It is all a bad thing, only when it all begins to cripple our thoughts, challenge our faith, and keep us stagnant so we will never fulfill PURPOSE and MOVE FORWARD in the things of God.

Last year I made up my mind that I am going to run this race whether I wanted to or not and whether I was afraid or not. I placed 2 Timothy 1:7 “For God has not given me (us) a Spirit of Fear, but of POWER and of LOVE and of a SOUND MIND” around my home to be read daily and to get it in my spirit. One thing I come to realize is that the Spirit of Fear will come back to “CHECK YOU OUT” and if you were never taught how to FIGHT you will always find yourself back in the place and or state of being of AFRAID, FEARFUL, or SCARED.

PAUSE – Here’s Some Background (Very Transparent) Information

Losing My Mother was a hard blow to My Heart, Sanity, and even My Womanhood. I Lived Life on the Edge; I was AFRAID to Sleep, I became FEARFUL of Preaching, and I was SCARED that I would be the first sibling to die. My thought process was off, I was depressed, I ate out of emotion, I depised seeing Mother/Daughter interaction because this is what I longed for, and the list goes on. Years had passed and I slowly begin to regain consciousness, needless to say I wasn’t breathing at all. I just LIVED LIFE ON THE EDGE. Fear made me not want to open my mouth and not want to preach anymore.

WAIT! Who said we can pick up a CALL and put it down when we wanted to?

I’m back! Whew, I am so grateful God didn’t cut me off as I cut Him off time after time. I begin to regain consciousness and God begin to heal my heart. I had some deep rooted things I needed to deal with, because of what I longed for, I made some bad decisions and I put people in places they should have never been, making it easy for them to take advantage of me in my unstable state. I was no longer healthy mentally but I masked it so well, I was no longer as strong but I played the part. I just knew I had to FIGHT! I fought for my IDENTITY, I fought to LIVE, I fought to CHANGE, and I fought to be BETTER. I was Better, I was Changing, I was Living, I knew WHO I WAS, and I was GROWING UP. Suddenly, LIFE HAPPENED again. I became worst off, and FEAR creeped back in. This time around I didn’t want to do it in FAITH and I became really Afraid, Fearful, and Scared but the more I resisted the more of an URGENCY God pressed upon me, Intercession has been heavy on me, God even begin to press upon me the need to be Consistent. My ignore game became strong and I went down this dark path. I no longer wanted God! But I realized when God wants you, when there is a Destiny, when there is a Purpose God will allow you to do it all in PAIN because PAIN has a PURPOSE. God tugged and tugged and I resisted and resisted. I wanted to stay right where I was, it was not only easier this way, it was comfortable and I felt like if I turn to the world just maybe I’ll have less headaches and heartaches. Let’s be honest, not every believer is in a scandal and not every believer is living in sin there are some sold out believers but it seems the greater the CALL the greater the WARFARE. I have come to realize God took far worst PAIN for His PURPOSE. After all there were three CROSSES on CALVARY on the day Jesus Christ was CRUCIFIED. This is why we are here, this is why I am here, FOR PURPOSE.

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I Know the Thoughts I Think Towards You, says the Lord. Thoughts of Peace and not of Evil, to give you (US) an EXPECTED END.

Present Day September 2022, as I am still WALKING out this journey, early this month I realized how much higher God was calling me to. URGENCY is what I felt, the need to PRESS is what I felt. I knew I needed to be honest with myself, in order for me to GO and GROW in the things of God, I needed to work on me Mentally. I needed to shut out all the noise, all the depending on Pom, all the invitations that wasn’t safe for me in this season, all the naysayers, all the confiding, all the giving of me, all the weight I carried trying to save and cover people. I realized I still LIVED LIFE ON THE EDGE. Did you know that LIVING LIFE ON THE EDGE does not only equate to being AFRAID, FEARFUL, or SCARED? Living Life On The Edge can be living in the shadow of others, Living Life On The Edge can be seeking validation, Living Life On The Edge can be masked in so many different things and only God can make us aware of it when we are honest with us. Living Life On The Edge can be potentially damaging to our mental state and begin to affect our physical state. This is why it’s imperative that we realize PAIN doesn’t come to SCARE us and PAIN doesn’t come to FEAR us if you ever LOVED you will feel PAIN. PAIN is a Teacher, it taught me there is always ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT. PAIN is a Reacher, it has me reaching out for tables that only God can place me at. This year while in PAIN, it made me take hard looks at myself, it made me LOVE deeper, it made me check my HEART consistently, it made me Honest, it made me Bolder and PAIN is MAKING ME BETTER. There is PURPOSE behind the PAIN! I am yet and still a work in progress but I am doing the work so I can be a Healthy Help in Life and in Ministry.

Advice To Know: When you are mentally unstable and or trying to heal every atmosphere isn’t safe for you right now. This is where you must really trust God to order your steps. This year I have gotten so many invitations to go places and help different individuals celebrate. I became afraid of disappointing people that depended on me because of my need to support and show up for everyone. However, God was saying to me if you go into this atmosphere you’re going in blindly and uncovered, you will see something that’s not meant for you to see and take on right now. I am a seer and I pick up on people easily when I am not fighting. This time individuals just had to be disappointed, what matters most is that I am Healthy in My Healing or I won’t be good for anyone in any atmosphere. So be careful and be honest, we don’t have to be on every scene. Some atmospheres aren’t safe or healthy for your process of healing.

I didn’t say I was over the Loss (Life Happened) but I am in a place of Healthy Healing. I can no longer LIVE MY LIFE ON THE EDGE. Responding to trauma placed my brain on edge and greatly impacted my control center. It placed me in a fearful place and it became damaging to my emotions and mentality. But don’t overlook the different traumas that come to “CHECK YOU OUT.” I’m dealing with mines, are you dealing with yours? Nothing will ever be too much for God because Faith Triumphs in Trouble the Bible says in Romans 5:1-5 “Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we started, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hopes does not disappoint, because the LOVE of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.”

The reason I preach Healing and the importance of #GrowGirl is because I am one that had to heal and is healing and I am one that continues to #GrowGirl.

Don’t be in a state of suffering in silence, GET UP, Get to a REAL SAFE place with REAL SAFE people and HEAL Healthy and while you’re at it #GrowGirl.

I AM!

LIFE after the LOSS

Ministry without Mommy

Psalms 27:10 NKJV “When my Father and my Mother forsake me, then the Lord will take care of me.”

How would anyone know how you feel if they never had your experiences? You don’t really know the effect LOSS has on anyone, we’re so accustomed to hiding our feelings, we’re always “I’m good” or “Blessed and highly favored” that we never express how we really feel about LOSS or about LIFE. Christendom has taught us to SAVE FACE, it’s not alright to tell the Church listen, i.e. I’m saved and single but, I’m hot and horny, I’m pissed off and I’m angry, I like married men, I like women and men, I’m just not okay and I NEED HELP. This is why the Church even in being a hospital for the sick many are still sadly dying because we were never able to tell the truth and there hasn’t been anyone that Mothered and Fathered us long enough to tap into the real issues we go through in life. I found out even in all our Gifts, Talents, and Spirituality if we never go back in the past and deal with our ISSUES, we will never be able to really help the SICK in our Churches. Something will always be missing and we will never operate in our fullest potential because of issues that were left UNHEALED, UNTOUCHED, and SUPPRESSED.

Side Bar: It’s okay to not be okay! It’s okay to talk to someone professional outside of your circle. Mental health is something the Church will not talk about but we are half way through the year of 2020 and today mental health is realer than it has ever been.

I know at times being BROKEN is more comfortable than being HEALED, because we’ve sat BROKEN for so long in a number of areas that it’s comfortable now. WAIT! I sat BROKEN for so long and being BROKEN was more COMFORTABLE to me. But when God turns your world upside down and BREAKS you to BLESS you and CHALLENGES you to CHANGE you, He does it in a way to make you WHOLE and completely HEALED.

Not having both my biological parents in the home, not sharing the same last name as my younger siblings, being told my father wasn’t really my Father, etc. it may be minor to you but these are some things that I never talked about and here I go into my adulthood with the same teenage issues that I never sat down and talked about. What happens when Mommy is gone, Daddy is dead (the biological one) and there is know one to answer the questions that you want to ask?

I started preaching April 21, 2002 licensed and ordained 2 times (I do have a license). I can honestly say I preached many places from North Carolina to New York. Mommy was just about at every engagement. I knew God was really using me when I would look over at Mommy and she would nod her head, that was my signal to keep doing what I was doing. Even in the days I served and someone else preached, for some reason Mommy loved to see me in my all white nurses uniform serving because I never preached or served out of flesh, those are the moments that taught me to pray. I would once again look over at Mommy and this time she would either smile or nod her head, which let me know you’re doing a good job daughter. Those moments were never taken for granted, they taught me humility and I always questioned what could I do better. I wasn’t PERFECT in the POSITION but the PROCESS PERFECTED the PURPOSE of what I had to endure to get where I am now. MINISTRY WITH MOMMY was a blessing indeed. I can remember traveling to New York to preach at 2 churches and while at the 2nd service Mommy told me don’t take an offering from them, sow it back into them. A HUMBLING MOMENT! I knew Mommy had my best interest at heart and I trusted the God in her enough to obey her instructions. Now Mommy is gone and though the pain never leaves, however; it does get easier to deal with. MINISTRY WITHOUT MOMMY has been rough. For many years I fought God and those around me, I was angry with God, preaching was now something I questioned because the person that supported me was no longer around to help me carry and birth what I possessed. I was hurt by the mere fact that I thought Mommy would get better with time, this broken place I found myself in, I allowed my hurts to hurt others, I did not handle people well, I sunk deeper and deeper into depression and dislike for others.

So I was left with questions with no answers and what if’s are merely dreams left unfulfilled, but I love how God takes what was once BROKEN and He BLESSES You, He BREAKS You, and then He gives you to the people (Matthew 26:26).

Daddy is Dead

My latest blog touched many lives, I just write as God leads me, after the positive feedback I thought I was good, I was like yes I’ve told the truth and I dealt with all I needed to deal with, sadly so God said to me no you haven’t, He showed me where I had suppressed my hurt and what society calls “Daddy Issues.” The first thing many will think is that I married my husband because of that very fact, we’re being honest right? Honestly, I didn’t, I did not like Mark Sr. at first, but it was something about him that drew me to him and I didn’t see a Dad in him, I saw pain and I wanted to know where it came from. One of my first instincts was to COVER HIM IN PRAYER (I will share our story in another blog) and let’s just say the rest is history, WE’RE MARRIED TODAY! So God showed me in prayer I had to deal with my daddy issues. These last few months has been rough, from dealing with anxiety, to reliving the loss of my Mom, to being in a pandemic, and yet still having to be STRONG and KEEP IT TOGETHER. I had to really tell myself it’s okay to not be okay, this is what’s wrong with the Body of Christ, we do too much pretending and we never just simply be honest and say I have the Holy Ghost but I have HEART ISSUES. So there were only 3 people God brought before me to share the issue with that I needed to deal with so they could cover me in prayer, if I needed them I knew I could go to them but God had me in these last 2 months, the month of May and June to be exact deal with this issue alone. I was in the fight of my life, I did more crying than I had in a long time, I battled mentally and emotionally. I was on a roller coaster ride, headache after headache, angry and upset, praying and asking God why, but I had to deal with it and FORGIVE.

Sidebar: I realized DADDY ISSUES and MOMMY ISSUES are prevalent in our communities, there are many my age, younger, and older that are dealing with the mere fact they are facing a Daddy Issue or Mommy Issue. It gets deeper when you have to deal with both, it gets deeper when there are questions left unanswered. I suffered in silence for years but I had to grab a halt in God and LIVE with reality unless I’ll still be searching for someone to fill the void and get hurt every time they do not mount up to the qualities of whom your searching to see in them. More damage, more pain, and more disappointment added on to SEARCHING but not SEEING.

Dad, Who Just Simply Stepped Up

My Dad whose been in my life since I was a baby, He’s ALL I KNOW. September 2012 My older Siblings and I buried our biological Father. But our Dad stepped up long before, ALL of my first came from him, though there were some difficult moments and things I wish I’ve known before hand, He still can’t be REPLACED. Some years ago I shared with my Dad how hurt I was because he didn’t give me his last name, He said he didn’t know I wanted him to and was very apologetic, this was one reason why it was so easy for me to really hurt when I was told he wasn’t my real father, because I didn’t share their last name. I don’t care how minor someone may think pain runs, it runs deep if you never face reality and deal with it. Certainly, I would have never dealt with it if I didn’t share my heart with my Dad, with God, and those that Mother and Mentor me now.

My Pastor preached a message a few years ago “Lord Deal With My Issues” this is when it begin to resonate in me that I had many PAST and PRESENT issues I needed to deal with. I am pleading with everyone that would read this blog and face what I had to, similar, or just ISSUES. DEAL WITH IT! You are stronger than you think, God saw me through one of the worst seasons of my life “DEALING WITH MY ISSUES” and He will see you through it also, I can’t tell you, you just have to see FREEDOM on ME. If you need to FORGIVE, Forgive and find FREEDOM in FORGIVING. I DID!!